As TrollWire’s one and only business analyst, The Boss commissioned me to write up a review on the best gas stations across the United States. To properly build my report I did some investigative journalism that involved visiting each gas station (at multiple locations) in person.
You should be pleased to know that by the end of this article, you’ll know exactly which gas stations to visit and the reasons why. Take note, this is much more than some phony gas station review that outlines the petroleum quality of each establishment. It’s an exposé, if you will. It shows the good, the bad, and the ugly – analyzing everything from customer service to restrooms to the goodies furnishing the shelves.
This, quite possibly, could be the most informative and applicable piece of digital literature you will ever read. So buckle up, because you’re in for one hell of a ride.
BP (British Petroleum)
If you’ve ever visited a BP, you already know… they have the best damn tea. And we’re not just talking by gas station standards. BP teas exceed even top tea companies like Tazo and Teavana. The gas is okay, but that’s not the reason to visit a BP. It’s their spectacular earl gray.
The gas sucks, but their candy selection? It’s to die for. However, the Slurpee is overrated. It’s gone way down hill – likely due to the ridiculous flavors they constantly roll out. If you ask me, 7-Eleven needs to practice a little bit of minimalism. Cherry, grape, and blue raspberry. That’s all we need. None of this coconut mango pina colada crap.
Shell offers decent quality oil. On the morality front, they have some problems. Awhile back they had some shady doings in Nigeria. Not something I want to go into now, though. One of the better selling points of this gas station is they have above average restrooms. In my investigation, five out of the seven stations I visited had automatic faucets. If you suffer from a public restroom phobia (like myself), you know this is important. We all know where those hands have been.
Casey’s General Store
I love Casey’s. The gas is terrible, but the store experience is amazing. They have a lot of charm. A little redneck, but I think that’s the point. The employees are friendly, especially the women. They’ve got that nice rural twang when they speak. It’s also the only gas station on this list that had dark chocolate Snickers bars.
Exxon is the worst. Not because of their petro quality or store experience, but rather their deceptive and hypocritical marketing. I’m not a big fan of the environment, so I don’t care about emissions. However, let’s not be disingenuous. You’re an oil company! The statement on the homepage of their website says it all: “ExxonMobil scientists and engineers are pioneering new research and pursuing new technologies to reduce emissions.”
Love this place. I’m not sure about the gas quality, but that’s not the reason you pick a gas station anyway. QuickTrip has the best house-made snacks and their customer service is second-to-none. There’s a reason they are called “QuickTrip.” And how the employees always say, “see ya later.” That always give me the warm fuzzies. It keeps me coming back.
It sucks. Don’t go there.
So there you have it. You just experienced the best gas station review you have, and will ever, read. Bookmark this article and use it as a guide for choosing your next gas station.
Also, this is the most important part… In addition to commissioning this article topic, The Boss also commissioned me to pitch that whole TrollLetter thing we have going on here. He’s looking to boost ROI for the publication, and he claims the best way to do so is to convince people to subscribe.
It’s actually a great deal. All we need is your email. That’s all you have to do. Then we have your email forever – or, at least, until you unsubscribe. Then you’re free to go. So do it. You know you want to. Go ahead and subscribe. It’s been known to save lives.