Burger King Says Heart Disease is Caused by High Vegetable Intake

As the leading cause of death in the United States, heart disease takes the lives of hundreds of thousands of Americans ever year. High saturated fat levels in red meat have long been considered a major contributor to heart disease. At least, that’s been the assumption until now.

Burger King and several other fast food outfits are now arguing otherwise, claiming the idea that hamburgers cause heart disease is propaganda put out by anti-meat corporate interests. Spokespeople for these fast food chains are also now citing new research that says food like broccoli and corn are the main culprits of heart disease.

“The vegetable lobby has been lying to us for far too long,” said Janice Thompson, a spokeswoman for Burger King. “Big Corn has already been lying to us about Ethanol. You know, all of those ‘green’ emissions that make ethanol ‘eco-friendly?’ Now we find that the American people have been fooled over this fable about red meat being linked to heart disease.”

Other fast food chains are doubling down on the newfound research. On Thursday, a spokesman for McDonald’s cited a section of the study that claimed high vegetable intake is in fact the leading cause of heart disease throughout the world.

“This research is damning,” the spokesman affirmed. “We are finding that high intake of broccoli, spinach, carrots, and other previously-considered ‘healthy foods’ is detrimental to your health. It’s good to finally have clarity on the subject. This groundbreaking research will undoubtedly save millions of lives.”

* The study cited in this article was commissioned and administered by BurgerWorld, a corporate interest group that represents McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Hardee’s, Burger King, and several other fast food chains.