Congress Demands Hazard Pay Because “Everybody’s Being So Mean to Each Other”

Several members in both chambers of the U.S. Congress are now demanding “hazard pay” because, according to them, “everybody is being really mean to each other.” The initiative has brought Republicans and Democrats together, as the two parties work together to pass the bipartisan proposal.

“It’s so volatile right now,” Democratic Senator Cory Booker told Ernie Sanders in an exclusive interview with TrollWire. “Just yesterday I had one of my Republican colleagues call me stupid. The mental and psychological exhaustion that comes with such polarization warrants hazard pay.”

“It’s time for the American people to pony up and pay us what we’re worth,” echoed Republican Senator Roy Blunt of Missouri. “It’s not just flagrant verbal abuse we’re suffering from. Last week, several of those slimy dumb-ocrats were sticking their tongues out at me while I was making a speech on the Senate floor.”

According to the proposal, a $30,000 bonus will be awarded to each member of Congress to help alleviate the mental suffering that comes with being a public servant. The bipartisan group of senators who sponsored the bill proudly claimed on Thursday that the bill would pass in record time.

“It’s encouraging to see such bipartisanship,” Sen. Booker exclaimed. “Especially considering all the gridlock and volatility that has come with agreeing on a COVID-19 relief plan.”