Something Must Be Done About the Farting at Starbucks

An open letter to the manager of the Starbucks on Oak Street.

Dawson’s Creek – I’ve been dealing with an unfortunate problem at the Starbucks over on Oak Street. I’m sure I’m not the first person to complain, but I’d like the owner to know of my displeasure, so he can take appropriate action.

I stroll in to Starbucks at approximately 8:00 am every day, and by 8:05 am, there is a horrible stench wafting from the east end of the store. I have no doubt that it’s someone passing gas. On multiple occurrences, the smell has been so raw that I’ve thrown up a little in my mouth.

If this person suffers from a health condition, that is unfortunate, but it would be a courtesy for them to order their coffee to-go.

I believe I’ve narrowed the culprit down to three people. There’s the “cool” guy who is always wearing the leather jacket (even when it’s 90 degrees outside). The petite woman who sits in the corner reading her romance novels. And the overweight elderly man with the cane. I’ve found that they are all there until at least 8:15 am every day.

I suspect it is the woman, because the stench seems a tad bit stronger at the corner of the store.

With all that said, I expect the manager to take appropriate actions to identify the chronic farter and ask them to do their business in the bathroom or outside of this establishment.

When I go to a coffee shop, I want to smell coffee, not flatulence.