Green Party Applauds Rising COVID-19 Cases

The Green Party of the United States is applauding the precipitous rise in COVID-19 cases across the country, as it will likely lead to fewer greenhouse gas emissions. In a press release, the party explained that lockdowns have led to fewer vehicles on the road and a sharp decline in production that contributes to global warming.

“Since March, Earth has been living its best months,” the press release stated, “and declining COVID-19 cases almost brought that to an end. The Green Party is pleased to see that rising cases will continue this era of environmental prosperity.”

In related news, a new study found that 72 percent of Americans were “surprised” when told that Ralph Nader is still alive.