Poll: Majority of Homeless People Support Global Warming

A new poll released on Thursday revealed that the majority of the nation’s homeless population supports manmade carbon emissions that contribute to global warming. Surveying 2,342 homeless people across the United States, the poll found that 65 percent not only support changes in the global climate, but they oppose any efforts by the government to prevent rising temperatures.

The poll was seemingly disproportionate to the geographic location of those surveyed. For example, 98 percent of the homeless population in Minnesota support global warming, while only 9 percent hold similar views in Texas.

“We need to grow our carbon footprint,” says Tommy Johnson, a man in the downtown Chicago homeless community who goes by the nickname “Uncle Tom.” “People with the financial means need to keep driving SUVs and the government must stop subsidizing green energy projects.”

“The winters here are real brutal,” echoed Terry Marshall, a homeless man in Flinton, Michigan who claims to be a multi-millionaire that simply prefers the minimalist lifestyle. “This global warming thing sounds good to me. Add on 20 degrees to one of those cold January days… I won’t complain about that.”

*The survey was commissioned by the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers.

PS: I’d hate to hear Sean’s asinine views on this one.