Man Realizes “Bear Market” isn’t a Place to Purchase Bear Pelts

After hearing on the news last week something about a “bear market” and “Wall Street,” 52-year-old John Seymour of Buffalo, New York was gearing up for a trip to Lower Manhattan, where he presumed a market for bear pelts would be opening.

As an avid bear hunter, Mr. Seymour was deeply disappointed after discovering that the “bear market” he heard about on the news is not a physical market to purchase bear pelts, but rather a market trend in which stock prices fall 20 percent or more from recent highs.

“I should have done a little research before making the trip,” said Seymour, who claims to have an “overly impulsive” personality. “But after hearing ‘bear market’ and ‘Wall Street,’ I hopped right in the car.”

When Seymour arrived in Manhattan, he asked hot dog vendors and newspaper sellers where the “bear market” was located. Blank stares kept him moving from one vendor to the next, until he saw a headline on the front page of the Wall Street Journal that read, “Coronavirus Officially Puts U.S. in a Bear Market.”

At time of publication, Seymour was heading north back to his studio apartment in downtown Buffalo.