Minimalist Apologizes For Hoarding Toilet Paper

From her 362-square-foot home in the hills of the Missouri Ozarks, 27-year-old minimalist Sheila Thompson told ABC News on Thursday that she regrets hoarding toilet paper during the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic.

In March, the young woman had purchased 42 cases of Quilted Northern to prepare for what she projected would be a multi-year lockdown or, in her words, an “all-out apocalypse.” Four months later, and half of her square footage is overrun by cases of toilet paper.

“I sincerely regret my actions,” Thompson told ABC News correspondent Jason Abrams, who questioned her dedication to the minimalist cause. “And I’d like to apology to all of my minimalist friends out there. I was more concerned about keeping my butt clean then preserving the lifestyle I’ve come to love.”

“I violated my cardinal belief… that materialism destroys souls,” she added. “And now I’m stuck with a two-year supply of TP.”