New Hotel Goes Retro With Outhouses and no A/C

Citizens of Angel Grove are overwhelmingly pleased that a new hotel will be opening this spring, as the development will deliver overnight housing accommodations to the town for the first time in three decades.

Aptly name the 1810 Inn, the hotel is going for a “retro 1800s theme,” in terms of both aesthetics and functionality. The multi-national corporation that owns the development won’t be constructing a new building, but rather occupying an old hotel that was built in 1923 and that has been abandoned for the past 52 years.

An interesting note about the development is that the hotel will not be renovated, as this would, according to the owners, “degrade the 1800s theme we are going for.” This includes no bathrooms, no running water, and no heat or air conditioning. Company officials claim staying at the 1810 Inn will be like “going back in time,” where you have to “defecate in an outhouse and enjoy the sweltering heat of the Wild Wild West.”

Town officials are also thrilled with the development, saying it will increase tourism to the region, which currently consists of about a dozen people who visit for the annual hot dog eating contest. “It’s a game-changer for our town,” said Angel Grove councilman Tom Greenberg, who won the 2019 hot dog eating contest and vomited on seven spectators. “We hope this will attract more out-of-towners to other events throughout the year.”

In contrast to the majority of Angel Grove residents, Tiger Hoods is criticizing the hotel, saying it’s “another marketing gimmick propagandized by Big Business.”

“They are opening a hotel with no A/C, no restrooms, and no drinking water,” Tiger said of the development. “They’re scamming people on this ‘retro theme’ just so they can avoid paying construction costs. And forcing patrons to share one pooper that is located outside? That’s insane.”