Pelosi in Existential Crisis After Trump “Triple Dog Dares” Her to Vote For Him


House Speaker Nancy Pelosi confessed Wednesday that she is in an existential crisis now that President Trump has “triple dog dared” her to vote for him on November 3rd.

The existential threat was sparked after Trump made a shocking declaration in a tweet early Tuesday morning. “Come on, Nancy, you know you want to,” the President tweeted at 1:13 am. “I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU. Vote for me on November 3rd.” The Speaker held a press conference Wednesday to address the unprecedented quandary she’s found herself in.

“If it was merely a single or a double dog dare, there’d be no question,” Pelosi told reporters. “I wouldn’t vote for him. But you can’t just dismiss a triple dog dare. The President has put me in an existential crisis with this one.”

Sources revealed that Pelosi and her staff have been scrambling to contain any potential fallout that would come from breaching the triple dog dare, as a challenge of this magnitude has never been made in the political arena.

Update: Vegas odds show that 67 percent of gamblers believe Pelosi will cast her vote for Trump on November 3rd, which is a 67 percent increase from the day prior.


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