Pfizer Announces COVID-19 Vaccine Could Be 102% Effective

In an announcement that has delighted scientists, businesses, and lawmakers across the globe, Pfizer announced Wednesday that based on current trials its COVID-19 vaccine could end up being 102 percent effective. The stock market skyrocketed at the open as investors see the prospect of a complete end to the pandemic.

“We are thrilled with the results of our most recent trials,” exclaimed a Pfizer spokesman. “This will likely be the world’s most effective vaccine since the invention of vaccines. We anticipate an efficacy rate of about 102 percent. In other words, it’s more than perfect.”

Due to the reportedly more-than-flawless results, some pundits suggested there could have been a reporting error during the trials. “Let’s say the trial was originally documented to evaluate 100 potential patients,” explained Fox News contributor Jonathan Parker. “It’s possible that by mistake they tested 102 participants. That would account for that extra 2 percent.”

A financial analyst suggested that the results could have been more devious, as the announcement led to a predictable boost in Pfizer’s stock price.