Selfish Three-Year-Old Wants Chuck E. Cheese to Reopen

A selfish toddler in Warwick, Rhode Island threw a temper tantrum on Tuesday because Chuck E. Cheese remains closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. In between sobs, the three-year-old screamed that he wanted to see Chuck E. and run around aimlessly throwing skee-balls.

“I… m… miss… Chuck E.” the boy sobbed. “It’s not fair. I ha… hate… th… this… v… virus!”

Online critics have taken to Twitter to voice outrage. “This is the most selfish toddler in the world,” tweeted @SelfRioteous12. “He’s crying about seeing a dressed up teenager while people are dying in droves #toddlercancel”

“Toddlers these days,” echoed @ViralOutrage. “When I was a toddler, I never would have supported genocide. #murderingtoddler”

The boy issued a statement on Twitter the following day after he got a hold of his father’s laptop. The tweet read, “adf$34adfadffd @@sdfe34dff# dfdfa$df dffdfasfdgnb.”