Trump Says TrollWire is the “Only Real News Left”

Following some mild criticism from two Fox News hosts, President Donald Trump announced on Twitter this Tuesday that TrollWire is the only legitimate media outlet left in America.

On Monday, Tucker Carlson and Laura Ingraham drew subtle hints that they weren’t one hundred percent satisfied with the Trump presidency. “I think he’s doing an incredible job,” Ingraham said on her show Monday evening. “I would just like him to put greater emphasis on reducing government spending.”

“If it were me, I would tone down the spending a bit,” Carlson echoed during his show. “But, hey, he’s the best President we’ve had in a decade.”

The remarks caught the President’s attention, and he announced his displeasure on Twitter at 1:12 AM Tuesday morning. “Fox News is the new FAKE NEWS,” he shouted from his keyboard. “TrollWire is the only real news left in this country! That’s where I will be getting my information from now on!”

Considering the fair-and-balanced nature of TrollWire, staff members seem to be split on the President’s shocking declaration. Here’s what a few TrollWire employees had to say:

“I don’t like it. That man is a despicable. If he wants to trash us just like he trashes everyone else, I’m fine with it. Blah, blah, blah. Whine, whine, whine. Fox News is still Trump’s media mouthpiece. This is anything but an endorsement.” – Ernie Sanders, Political Journalist

“What an honor. I do feel compelled to make one point though. This is the first time I actually disagree with the President on something. Fox News is a great organization. I just think Ingraham and Carlson were off their game a bit on Monday. But, hey, he’s right about choosing TrollWire for his go-to news source. We are the best in the biz.” – Sean Vanity, Political Journalist

“I guess it’s fine. As a non-partisan journalist, I of course have an objective opinion of the President. However, U.S. presidents shouldn’t be picking winners and losers when it comes to media outlets. That man needs to get off Twitter.” – Andy Coop, News Journalist 

“Like Andy, I have no bone in the Democrat-Trump fight (even though we all know Andy is a closet liberal), but it’s nice to see the President acknowledge us as the one-and-only, premier news source in this country. It was brave of him to acknowledge it.” – Harriet Faulkner, News Journalist

“Umm, well, I’m just the lifestyle columnist so not sure I have an opinion on that. Politics isn’t really my jam. Are you planning on publishing this? If so, make sure you mention my media kit.” – Jenny Gardner, Lifestyle Columnist

What do I think? Well, I’m the business mogul in this office – and I’m enjoying the tax cuts – so I’m with Sean on this one.