University Expels Students For Giving a “Potentially Deadly” High Five

A university in a suburb of St. Louis, Missouri expelled four students on Thursday for giving, what a school spokesman is now calling, a “potentially deadly” high five. The incident, which has drawn national attention, occurred at 1:17 pm Tuesday in the quad area of Lindenwood University.

The students had just finished studying for an exam, and before parting ways, they decided to indulge in a group high five. “Alright guys,” freshman Pete O’Leary exclaimed right before the incident. “Let’s ace this test!”

After giving the group high five, all four students realized what they had done, as did a student who happened to be observing from a distance. The observer reported the high five to university officials, who swiftly launched an investigation.

“This can’t happen at our esteemed institution,” said Lindenwood University spokesman Mark Watson. “This potentially deadly high five could cost dozens, maybe even hundreds, of lives. We have no choice but to expel the four students involved.”

Speaking for the entire group, Mr. O’Leary took to Twitter to issue a public apology. “We realize we made a mistake,” he wrote. “It was impulsive. It was stupid. And we fully accept the consequences.”