University of Phoenix Reveals New Slogan: “Offering Pandemic-Free Education Since 1989”

A new marketing slogan now being pitched by the University of Phoenix boasts of the school’s innovative approach to higher education, specifically relating to online education. The new slogan, “Offering pandemic-free education since 1989,” refers to its decision to offer e-learning options as far back as the 80s.

“We were way ahead of the curve,” said Thomas Anderson, a spokesman for the university and self-described prophet. “It’s why we started the model in the first place. The United States was bound to suffer through another pandemic, and we wanted to have the pieces in place to ensure safety for all our students.”

Update: New reports suggest that the University of Phoenix will be offering a new class during the fall semester, titled, “Cohabitating with extraterrestrial lifeforms.”