Walmart Bans “Rattail” Hairdos From All Stores

In a move that is stirring up controversy across the Midwest, Walmart announced Monday that beginning August 1st “rattail” hairdos will no longer be permitted in stores.

To maintain inclusivity, the retail giant will be deploying hairdresser ambassadors – internally referred to as “barbassadors” – who will have scissors on hand for customers who are out of compliance.

“We’re looking to improve the shopping experience for our customers,” said Walmart spokesman Shawn Walterson, adding that the “man bun” could be the next thing to go. “Walmart strives for professionalism and we expect the same from our customers.”

When pressed by reporters for a more specific reason for the new policy, CEO Walmart Doug McMillon simply responded, “Rattails are gross.”